The Sixth Life Lesson: Finding true love

Finding true love is a big lesson that everyone will learn in their life. It is something that schools will not teach, but very important for our happiness. I hope you can save yourself from heartaches in the future. These guidelines may be able to help you enjoy your relationships with the others.

Finding true love doesn’t necessarily mean finding a husband or wife. And true exist in many kinds of relationships, like between children and parents, between two friends, between a boy friend and a girl friend, etc. It is very important for us to know how to love without causing suffering.

To be truly loved by someone, we need to know how to love the others first. To love someone, we need to give that person space, the space to be oneself. We need to give that person freedom to make their own decisions and fulfill his or her destiny. We need to give that person space to relax and rest.

To love someone, we shouldn’t try to change a person. Our expectations and desires may sometimes suffocate the person whom we love. We can inspire or encourage, but never change a person unless he or she wants to change. When we try to change a person to get what we want, both parties suffer.

To love someone, we should be able to make his or her life better. Everyone gets into a relationship with the hope that their lives will be improved. We are all looking for happiness. So we need to observe if we are lifting up a person or strangling that person with our toxic emotions. If one of the parties is not happy, it is not true love.

TO love someone, we need to be able to rise above the relationship and see it from a higher angle. Relationships are just part of our life, but not everything. However, attaching to any relationship will bring suffering such as anger, fear, jealousy. Sometimes we need to detach from our loved ones a bit and get a better picture how these relationships are influencing the mind. In this way, when the relationships fail, we will not lose our perspective. Remember to broaden and enrich your life by knowing more positive people, learning different things and finding your aspirations. We can live a fabulous life, no matter what happens. Being happy is a decision, not pure luck. 🙂

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The Fifth Life Lesson: Have empathy not sympathy

We are born to help the others. But we need to skillful and mindful when we help the others. Otherwise we will waste our effort or even hurt the others.

The most important thing that we need to know is not to let another person’s problem become our problem. If we identify with another person’s problem and emotions, we cannot see the problem clearly from a distance. We may take that person’s stance even though that person has a wrong view. Then we may become part of the problem and sometimes even make it into a big drama. Therefore, we should empathize but not sympathize with the others.

When we help another person, our role is to be a mirror and reflect the truth back to that person. Everyone has wisdom in himself or herself. They cannot see the truth because at that moment they are not calm. There is a storm going on in their mind. So when we talk to a person, we need to come back to our breathing from time to time so that we will not attach to another person’s words or emotions. If that person become very emotional and depressed, we can listen patiently by closing our eyes or remind that person to go back to his or her own breathing so that he or she can come back to the present moment. Mindfulness is pervasive. That person will be touched by your mindfulness and become more peaceful.

When both you and the person whom you are helping focus on the present moment, that person will see the truth and may be able to defuse a problem or find a way out. 🙂 All of the problems and suffering in this world are caused by ignorance, which is the bondage of an unnecessary self.  Mindfulness is the cure for suffering.

Thich Naht Hanh

Living in a story

Everyone has his or her own story to tell.  Stories are very seductive because we are so identified with them and make them become part of ourselves.  But it becomes a problem when we cannot let go of our stories and move on.  When we keep living in the same old stories and let these stories define who we are, we become lost.  We will fail to live in the present moment and carry an increasingly heavy baggage with us.  Stories are just the past.  When we don’t let anything define us and we don’t define anything, we are free.

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The Fourth Life Lesson: We reap what we sow

Farmer-in-field

We should treat the others the way that we want to be treated. For example, if you want the others to respect you, you should respect the others first. If you want to be forgiven whenever you make a mistake, you should be forgiving first. If you want the others to approve you, you should give approval to the others first. If you want the others to share their things with you, you should be willing to share first. If you want the others to help you, you should help the others before you need help. We reap what we sow.

Third Life Lesson: Always forgive

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We should always forgive the others.  Everyone will make mistakes all the time.  That’s why it is useless to get angry with anyone.  And we should not judge the others simply because they have made a mistake. When we label or judge the others, our world becomes limited. But when we forgive, we are free.  Forgiving the others is for our own sake actually.

People make mistakes or hurt the others because they do not know what they are doing and they are suffering.  Hurting people hurt people.  They may not have good role models to teach them how to speak or act nicely.  So we need to be compassionate and understanding. Better yet, we can try to see if they want us to help.  If they do, we should try our best to help without expecting any return.

Second Life Lesson: How to treat the others

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There are many different kinds of people in this world.  It is very hard to find a common rule to treat the others.  But you should have some basic principles to follow.

This first one is that we should always speak and act out of good intentions.  When we speak or act, we should have the best interest of the others in our heart.  We should never hurt or please the others for our own gains.  What we say or do should be for promoting another person’s long-term wellbeing.   Sometimes we should let another person know the painful truth if it will help them in the long run.  But what we speak or do should be truthful, wise and gentle. When you are mindful with your speech and action, people will respect you.

First Life Lesson: Why are we born?

baby Before you are born, I kept thinking about why I wish to have a child.  A good reason that I can think of is to contribute to the society by cultivating a good leader.  I also wish to let you know how wonderful and sacred life is.  The reason why you will be born is to improve the livelihood of the others, reduce their suffering, and enjoy your life.

Although as a mom I wish you will have all of the best things in the world, you don’t have to have a lot of things in order to be a happy person.  You don’t need to be a genius, a billionaire, or a celebrity in order to be happy.  Our life goal is not to keep acquiring more things as this will make you greedy, selfish and hence suffer.  You just need to be hardworking, wise, forgiving, generous, friendly and courageous in order to be successful in life.  When you cultivate good seeds in your mind, you will have everything that you need in your life.

This world needs a good leader desperately as many people are lost in their lives.  They need someone to show them the right way.  You can do any profession to help people as long as you work with good ethics.

Many people always ask, “Who am I?” or “What do I want?”  They think if they have more money, more fame or more love, they will find their happiness.  But this is a totally wrong approach to life because the more they get, the more they are lost.  When they get one thing, they start to think why they are still not fulfilled.  There must be something more that they need to get.  Then they fail to see that they actually have everything, which is their life itself.  One day when they are about to die, they suddenly realize that they have not treasured their life all along.  They wish that they had spent more time with their family.  They wish that they had cared for their friends more.  They wish that they had enjoyed the simple pleasure of walking in a park.  But it is too late.

So remember to live at the present fully.  Happiness is here and now.  Your life does not just belong to you.  Your life always belongs to this world.  You live for the common good of this world.  You stay healthy and happy so that you can share your goodness with the others.  When you think less about “me” or “mine”, you will find your true happiness.

 

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