The Eigth Life Lesson: Wisdom about Marriage

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Dear Isabella,

Although it is not necessary to get married, I do hope that you will have a good husband if you choose marriage. Choosing a good husband is a personal thing. But there are some basic criteria, like hardworking, generous, kind, honest, polite, faithful, caring and no addictions involved. Once you have found the right partner, you are about to start a new journey.

Marriage is not the happy ending of your life. Marriage is just the beginning of a new life. Whether a marriage is good or not depends on the seeds that you have planted in yourself and your relationship before. If you are a happy single before, you will more likely to have a happy marriage. If you always respect and care for your boyfriend before, this guy will be more likely to respect and care for you when you two get married. So we always have to invest our energy and love in ourselves, family, friends, and other relationships in order to have a happy marriage.

Marriage requires a lot of work. But working hard for your marriage is the fun part. The key is to give and give all the time. Love your husband like loving yourself. It is because once you only focus on your needs and expectations, you will not be able to appreciate another person and enjoy the present moment. Moreover, once your husband senses your selfishness, he will be less likely to commit and work hard for the marriage. Remember, no matter how you try to justify your expectations or thinking how right you are, desires cause suffering. No one can ever meet all of our expectations and be exactly the kind of person that we wish him to be. If you hold on to your fairytale dream about your marriage and refuse to truly understand your husband, you will definitely feel disappointed. But once we let go of our expectations and see that person as who he is, we will discover a lot of wonderful qualities in him that we have never expected. With this attitude, marriage will be filled with excitement and wonderful surprises. Trust, appreciation and generosity are the keys to a successful marriage.

Marriage is not about right or wrong. The priority of a marriage should be the quality of a relationship, not what is right or wrong. Sometimes you lose even you win a battle, if both of you got hurt deeply. When you disagree with your husband, use an open, fair, and calm attitude to express your ideas. If anger comes up, observe your anger and take some time out to calm yourself before speaking to him. Planting violence and anger in a relationship is never the wise thing to do. Disagreement can be a golden opportunity to understand each other and strengthen the bond. Do not make it like the end of the world and lose your cool. If you and your husband do fight, be forgiving and courageous to say sorry first. Saying sorry first does not mean that you are weak or giving in. Saying sorry first is for apologizing for the suffering that you have caused during the argument and tell him that you would like him to help you understand him better. By doing this, you open the door for a peaceful and genuine conversation. We cannot truly love without understanding.

For me, marriage is a great learning experience and the beginning of true love. 🙂 I wish that you will find your true love and have a heaven like marriage.

Love,
Mom

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