Word to Your Mother

Thank you Mom 🙂

Aware of Awareness

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you…

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The Fifteenth Life Lesson: Speak Mindfully

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Dear Bella,
A long time ago, I had a colleague told me that she hated gossiping because she didn’t like to talk about things that may or may not be true. And it will only make her more negative so why bother. I can’t agree more.

Gossiping is an ego-based behavior. People usually gossip about someone who have different qualities from themselves. When they gossip, they are talking about their opinions and judgements about the others. We usually hardly know a person completely. Hence, our opinions can at most be part of the truth or totally flawed.

However, when people gossip or in other words express negative opinions about a person, they usually try to make themselves sound convincing by looking for more evidence. As the conversation gets more exciting, people start reinforcing the ideas of each other. One negative or awkward quality becomes the total identity of the subject.

Most people find gossiping harmless and even entertaining. Gossiping may make us feel superior for a short time by putting the others down. Therefore it can be addictive. But negativity is pervasive. Gossiping causes serious mental pollution in a community. It spreads the seeds of arrogance, jealousy, anger and suspicion instead of the seeds of empathy and compassion. As the ego grows stronger, people who gossip will become more selfish and lonely. They may even think that they are the righteous victims and wonder why the whole world has wronged them. But in fact they have created a bitter world for themselves.

So when we speak, be mindful, say only nice words or else be silent. Stop looking for problems to fix or finding faults in the others. Focus on the present moment and learn from every person you meet. Life is more exciting with a heart full of gratitude than one filled with scorn.

May mindfulness be with you,
Mom

Losing Our Spark

Thanks again Scott for this meaningful article. 🙂 Every couple should read it.

Relax and Succeed

I love my husband. I really do. And I 100% believe he loves me. But 90% of our exchanges are criticizing each other and complaining. Hardly any of our contact is enjoyable anymore and a lot of it is pretty negative. We can tell that we’re going to start hating each other and we already feel like our marriage/lives went the wrong directions. We’re lost but what do we do?

signed,
Missing Spark

Dear Missing,

You know why it’s hit-and-miss getting these ideas through to people? Because they read what I write, or listen to what I say, and they assume that what I’m talking about is loftier and more complicated than the actual truth. Little kids can do this. It doesn’t require adding anything to 392 Relax and Succeed - Who looks outsideyou. You have to subtract “You” until all that you’re left with is clarity. When our ego’s out of the way and we can…

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Proclamations of Love

Thanks Scott for this wonderful article about the appreciation of our parents. I can’t agree more. I will share this with my readers.

Relax and Succeed

After school I go to my friend’s house and her Mom is always complimenting her or telling her she loves her and my Mom never says stuff like that. What’s so hard about “good job” or “I love you?”

signed,
Looking for Love

Dear Looking,

Hmm. I see your point. So then, you surely can appreciate that much more of of your Mom’s life revolves around your needs than her own, so that being the case I guess you’ve regularly told your Mom “good job,” and “I love you?” Or is there some special rule somewhere that says she has to go first?

388 Relax and Succeed - We tend to forgetI can completely understand why your ego-self would want to get verbal confirmation that your Mother loves you. Language quickly infects us with chronic insecurity. You need to hear the love symbolized in words. Weird eh? I mean, you get that the love isn’t the naming of…

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New Discoveries about Moms

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After becoming a new mom, I have some new discoveries:
– There is this one person whom I love so much no matter what she does, my daughter.
– I have new respect for my mother and all other moms. How did you all get through this?
– I miss my daughter and my bed all the time.
– I have new respect for my body regardless of its shape.
– My husband has become even more manly as a dad 🙂
– I start to wonder how I spent all of my free time when I didn’t have a kid.
– Taking shower becomes so much more precious and enjoyable.
– Suddenly, a lot of strangers who are moms start talking to me on the street.
– Working has become more relaxing.
– We need to buy a more powerful camera and hard drives for new photos.
– My Facebook has been taken over by my daughter.
– My baby’s smile makes everything worthwhile.

I wish all moms enjoy the coming Mother’s Day! 🙂

What is Mindfulness?

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I just read an inspiring article about the definition of mindfulness from one of my favorite bloggers today and I’d like to explore this topic more.

Most of the world’s problems are caused by wrong views of people. Most of us see this world through dirty glasses. Our judgements are usually biased by our ego, yet we always take our thoughts, opinions and beliefs so seriously as if they were absolute truths. This limitation causes conflicts and wars among people.

From my point of view, mindfulness is like the cloth that we use to clean the dirty glasses so that we can see the world clearly. With mindfulness, we can be aware of how the ego influences our judgements. Our ego influences our judgement by bringing the guilt from the past or the fear about the future to the mind.

Mindfulness brings us back to the present and helps us see the reality as it is so that we will know if there is actually a problem. And if there is a problem, what is the most effective way to solve it or if it can be solved at all. It slows us down and provides a distance between the thoughts and the ego. It prevents us from reacting to the thoughts and emotions automatically with our conditioned habits.

Mindfulness can be cultivated by observing the mind and the body in daily life. It is different from meditation that focuses on an object, which makes the mind still. In mindfulness practice, we observe how the mind and the body change.

Mindfulness is not the solution to all problems. It is however a tool for us to understand ourselves and the world clearly. It is a skill that can be learned through dedicated practice, regardless of any religious backgrounds. I think if more people practice it, a lot of problems can be avoided. 🙂

Who Am I to Say, but…

This is a good article about choosing the right partner.

The Fickle Heartbeat

After years of exploring the dating pool, I think now I kind of understand why elders tell young people to date a lot before getting married. Yeah, of course, you need to polish your list of standards, but more than that, so that when you finally meet “the one,” you’d appreciate his/her manners, understanding of your flaws, non-cheating habits, polite manners towards not just you but to everyone, maturity, common decency, and etc.

Sure, love at first sight and all the other cliché love notions are great, but after the chase and  months of sucking each others face, you kind of grow bored of admiring how beautiful he is. Then you start realizing his annoying habit of chewing with his mouth open or his obnoxious rudeness towards waiters. Fights happen, and the relationship ends. I enjoyed these fast-paced relationships in my early 20’s, as they were both exhilarating and temporary…

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