Defining Toxic Relationships

It is hard to leave a relationship if you have already invested so much energy and effort in it. But everyone should have some deal breakers and strong boundaries that should be upheld for one’s wellbeing.

I once heard from Rori Raye that a toxic relationship is one in which both parties have a silent agreement that nothing is going to change. The couple may complain a lot about each other, but no one will make any change for a better future.

A toxic relationship can be in many forms:

1) Abusive relationship – Any physical, emotional or financial abuse is dangerous for one’s self esteem and health. This is a nonnegotiable deal breaker!

2) Silent relationship – No meaningful and positive communication exists anymore. Both parties or one partner is withdrawn. The couple is having separate lives.

3) Codependent relationship – It brings out the worst in both parties. No one grows emotionally and spiritually stronger.

4) Competitive relationship – There is a constant power struggle in the relationship. Both parties are competing to control each other or the family.

5) Noncommited relationship – It lasts for more than a year, but there is still no agreement on being exclusive and no plan for the future. Communication is inconsistent. It brings a lot of doubt, longing and pain.

In a healthy relationship, both parties should feel warm, safe and understood all the time. There may be some challenges along the way. But they manage to handle them with genuine communication and grow from them. If you are in a toxic relationship, really ask yourself whether it is worthwhile to give up happiness for a relationship.


Feeling Creative with Bella

I felt relaxed and focused when I was coloring this book with Bella. This is the beginning of our first art project. 🙂


Forming a habit of Meditation

I usually feel so peaceful and rejuvented after meditation. However, forming a habit of meditating on a daily basis can be hard, especially when I have to devote so much energy to care for my baby daughter.
Lately I have been trying to do mindful breathing for 10 to 15 seconds whenever I can. I am inspired by a famous therapist, Rori Raye, who is experienced in implementing mindfulness in relationships. Whenever a stressful thought arises, I will close my eyes, drop all of my thoughts down to my pelvis, take a deep breathe amd sink into my body. This method helps me becoming more aware of my own feelings.
But I feel that this kind of practice needs to combine with pattern practice, which is scheduled daily in the morning and evening for 20 minutes every session. Otherwise, the body and the mind will not have enough power to concentrate and distant itself a bit from the stress.
One of the App called Stop, Breathe and Think really motivates me to practice daily. I just love the sticker that I’ve got after some sessions. I feel funny that I still love stickers even though I am already 35!
Do you have any tips for cultivating a daily meditation habit too? Please share your ideas with me.


Reference of picture:

The Sixteenth Life Lesson: Love is about letting go

Dear Bella,

One wise person said love is about learning to let go. We learn to let go of our ego and be willing to truly know another person. We learn to let go of our expectations and let another person just be who he is. We also learn to let go of our fear and be courageous to express our authentic feelings. Then we let go of  the need to be right all the time and accept ourselves completely. 

Learning to love another person is actually learning how to love yourself in another person’s presence. If you feel low all the time and you don’t grow at all in a relationship, you are probably in a toxic relationship and it is time to let go. Have faith that love will come to you eventually. Love doesn’t require you to put too much effort or losing yourself. Love never fails. I have faith that you will find someone who treasures you like I do. 🙂



A Lesson Learned From a Kid

Today while I was standing in the hallway, a student came to me and said, “I am happy today.” So I asked this little girl, “Really? Why?” She said, “No reason.” She paused and thought for a while and asked, “Why shouldn’t we be happy?” Then she turned around and hopped away happily like a bunny.

She is right. We are alive. We are alright now. We may have problems in life. But why shouldn’t we be happy anyway? Maybe sometimes our problem is that we think about why we should be happy instead. We come up with conditions that we should be happy, but forget about the simple joy that we are born with. I feel grateful for this wonderful lesson from my ten-year-old student. She is very wise indeed. 🙂

Reference of the picture:


I feel like melting when I am in touch with…

Soft flowers   
High heels with sparkly gemstones

And pretty nails 🙂


Reference of

Two Kinds of Inner Chatter

There are two kinds of chatter in the mind. One voice is always aggressive, enraged, complaining and dissatisfied. Another voice is always withdrawn, avoiding, suppressing and holding back. These two voices come from the fight or flight response of the amygdala in our brain. They are parts of us. You cannot turn them off because they are our self-defense mechanism.

Whenever there is stress, there will be a struggle between the two.  Sometimes they are quite useful. But the constant struggle between the two can be exhausting. Sometimes following either voice can be destructive. Those people who identify with the aggressive voice will be angry and difficult all the time. On the other hand, those who follow the withdrawn voice may tend to suppress their anger and neglect their own needs. Both paths are not healthy because we will hide our true self by being defensive. 

I am learning to get along with both voices and truly listen to both of them without taking actions. They both aim to protect but coming from fear. When we truly listen to the inner voices with love, we take charge of the mind. We accept everything about ourselves without hiding them. Then we will be at peace. 


Two Different Attitudes

There are two different attitudes towards life. We can feel inadequate even we have everything. If we think that “my life will be perfect if this and that change”, then we will feel depressed. But we can feel peaceful even if our life is full of obstacles. If we think that”Yeah life sucks but I may as well just choose to be happy anyway”, then our life will be filled with wonderful surprises. 

Choose happiness no matter what and be surprised. 🙂

So I choose pedicure when I am stressed. 


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