Humility- The Main Ingredient of Happiness

What is humility? Humility is an attitude towards life. It is the absence of self-centeredness even you have a blissful life. It is a feeling of gratitude and compassion towards everyone, including the less fortunate ones. 

It is a main ingredient of happiness because without humility we cannot appreciate the things we have in life. So we need to teach our children to be humble by thanking those people and all other living things who support their life. As Chinese always believe, don’t forget the root of our life. 

  
English translation: Never forget the root of the heart; Happiness and freedom will follow.

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Voices

All of us are made of the same components.  We have the seeds of similar emotions.  We all have joy, peace, anger, fear, grief and desires. Our path is determined by what seeds we are watering.  At the beginning of a life all of these seeds remain dormant.  Our desire to survive and be happy drives us to water different seeds.  These seeds grow in certain conditions.

If we water them enough, they will solidify into entities with voices in the consciousness.  They will start talking to us.  They compete each other for air time to speak in our head.  A few or one of voices, which we believe in them most of the time, will dominate.   Gradually the dominating voice will become our own voice.

Which voices is your consciousness giving power to? Are you feeding the one that you want to become in the future?

Mulholland-Our-Inner-Voices

Reference of Picture: http://blogs.plos.org/neuroanthropology/2013/05/10/our-inner-voices/

Gratitude Game 

Imagine if we can switch all of the regrets, the “if only” thoughts in our mind to grateful thoughts, we will feel so much about our lives. I invite you to play this game today.

For example…
“If only I got another degree, I will get a better job” to “I am grateful that I am educated and I got a job.”
“If only I am more beautiful, he will love me more” to ” I am grateful for being me and I have enough to be lovable.”
“If only I am richer, my life quality will be better” to “I am happy that I am alive and healthy.”
“If only I can be smarter, I will be more successful like…” to “I am grateful for being me. No one can do this job more successfully than I do.”
“I will be happy if only I got a boyfriend/ husband” to “I am grateful that I am single and my options are open.”
“If only he could change, our relationship would be much better” to “I am grateful that he is being true to himself.”
If only my kid just does what I ask him to do, my life will be easier” to “I am grateful that my kid can think for himself.”

After playing this game for a while, I feel that everything has a brighter side. 🙂

  
Reference of Picture: http://www.speculativefaith.com

A Lesson Learned From a Kid

Today while I was standing in the hallway, a student came to me and said, “I am happy today.” So I asked this little girl, “Really? Why?” She said, “No reason.” She paused and thought for a while and asked, “Why shouldn’t we be happy?” Then she turned around and hopped away happily like a bunny.

She is right. We are alive. We are alright now. We may have problems in life. But why shouldn’t we be happy anyway? Maybe sometimes our problem is that we think about why we should be happy instead. We come up with conditions that we should be happy, but forget about the simple joy that we are born with. I feel grateful for this wonderful lesson from my ten-year-old student. She is very wise indeed. 🙂

  
Reference of the picture:

http://realmsofrhema.com/2015/count-it-all-joy-brother-ransome-iblesstheday/

Two Different Attitudes

There are two different attitudes towards life. We can feel inadequate even we have everything. If we think that “my life will be perfect if this and that change”, then we will feel depressed. But we can feel peaceful even if our life is full of obstacles. If we think that”Yeah life sucks but I may as well just choose to be happy anyway”, then our life will be filled with wonderful surprises. 

Choose happiness no matter what and be surprised. 🙂

So I choose pedicure when I am stressed. 

  

A New Level

Before awakening, we seem to be so different from the others. No one seems to understand our suffering and we are so alone. Life is so confusing and we don’t seem to understand why people can be so mean to us. It is as if we are always being taken advantaged by the others. And we seem to be so right and the others are so wrong.

But once we realize how the mind talks us to believe in things and how we are blind from the reality, our eyes start to open. We start to patterns of behaviors and thoughts in ourselves and the others. We realize we are actually so similar to the others. We have been controlled by the conditions. People actually hurt each other without realizing that they are doing it. It’s because we are all lost in the ocean of suffering. There is no absolute right or wrong but just different perceptions. We then see our souls in the others. We are so close to each other and so similar. We share one life together. The only reasonable way to relate to each other is to be compassionate and forgiving.

The Thirteenth Life Lesson: Understand Happiness/Suffering

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Dear Bella,
No one wants to suffer. However, I understand that happiness and suffering come in a package. So we need to understand both deeply in order to flow with our life peacefully.

There are many levels of happiness. Happiness can come from pleasure. For example, the joy from eating good food, watching a fun movie, joking with friends, etc. This kind of happiness helps us relax and it is important. But it doesn’t last long. And if we spend all of our time seeking pleasure, we will suffer from emptiness and loneliness.

There is also happiness from being loved and loving someone. This happiness makes us feel connected. . However, the feeling of love, like everything else, comes and goes. So if love involves desire and attachment, it may cause immense pain in ourselves and the others. For example, when we want to fix or change our beloved ones, the relationship becomes stressful.

A higher level of happiness come from equanimity. When we see the impermanent nature of happiness, we will understand that happiness is just the same as suffering. They both arise, exist and go. We constantly alternate between these two states of mind. Hence, the mind is always on a roller coaster that goes up and down. After seeing how the mind changes from one state to another from a distance many times, we become more neutral to the change. The neutral state of mind is also impermanent. This understanding brings about longer-lasting peace.

The highest level of happiness will be from enlightenment, total detachment from the mind and body or suffering. As I am not enlightened yet, I cannot fully comprehend this stage. I hope one day you will know more than I do.

Through experiencing and understanding different levels of happiness and suffering, we will be able to rise above the mind. Without understanding, we are like riding on the roller coaster of the mind and being controlled by it. But with the right view of the reality, we are able to stand away from the roller coaster and just observe it. This freedom helps us remain stable in a storm and see the beauty inside suffering.

May mindfulness be with you,
Mom

Facing the Chattering Mind

Smile

Life is itself suffering.  None of the conditions in life is permanent or controllable.  We indulge ourselves in all kinds of pleasure to try to hide away from the constant chattering of the mind.  It is because this constant chattering of the mind remind us about the fragile nature of life.

Suppressing the mind will only bring us temporary peace. There will always be a moment that we have to face the reality.  However, following the crazy mind, looking into the chattering, and taking this chattering too seriously will make us crazy.  So how should we deal with suffering?  Rather than using the natural fight or flight response, we should embrace it.  We do not hate it or like it, but we observe it.

Suffering is actually our biggest teacher.  It is our true friend.  It reminds us how precious each moment of life is because it is not permanent.  It remind us to treasure our loved ones because they won’t stay forever.  It reminds us to let go because holding on to things or perceptions will make us suffer more.  When we are able to let go, true happiness and inner peace will visit us.

When we come back to ourselves and spend some time alone, listen to this chattering mind.  We can observe it and see how it changes.  If suffering shows up, we say hello to it and acknowledge it with a smile.  Then we are ready to learn some life-transforming lessons. 🙂

The Sixth Life Lesson: Finding true love

Finding true love is a big lesson that everyone will learn in their life. It is something that schools will not teach, but very important for our happiness. I hope you can save yourself from heartaches in the future. These guidelines may be able to help you enjoy your relationships with the others.

Finding true love doesn’t necessarily mean finding a husband or wife. And true exist in many kinds of relationships, like between children and parents, between two friends, between a boy friend and a girl friend, etc. It is very important for us to know how to love without causing suffering.

To be truly loved by someone, we need to know how to love the others first. To love someone, we need to give that person space, the space to be oneself. We need to give that person freedom to make their own decisions and fulfill his or her destiny. We need to give that person space to relax and rest.

To love someone, we shouldn’t try to change a person. Our expectations and desires may sometimes suffocate the person whom we love. We can inspire or encourage, but never change a person unless he or she wants to change. When we try to change a person to get what we want, both parties suffer.

To love someone, we should be able to make his or her life better. Everyone gets into a relationship with the hope that their lives will be improved. We are all looking for happiness. So we need to observe if we are lifting up a person or strangling that person with our toxic emotions. If one of the parties is not happy, it is not true love.

TO love someone, we need to be able to rise above the relationship and see it from a higher angle. Relationships are just part of our life, but not everything. However, attaching to any relationship will bring suffering such as anger, fear, jealousy. Sometimes we need to detach from our loved ones a bit and get a better picture how these relationships are influencing the mind. In this way, when the relationships fail, we will not lose our perspective. Remember to broaden and enrich your life by knowing more positive people, learning different things and finding your aspirations. We can live a fabulous life, no matter what happens. Being happy is a decision, not pure luck. 🙂

cat

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